Biting & Chewing
Well, one could look at “biting off more than you can chew” as an abstract expression of courage, an admirable testing of one’s limits, a genuinely giant leap of faith, or, as in my case with what I thought I could execute travel plan wise –just plain stupid! Yeah, I really didn’t want to stay overnight in Port au Prince so decided to try landing and getting down the road to the small airport and over to Cap-Haitien within a 45 minute window of time. Even as I type that I am envisioning myself beating my own self over the head with a sing song of “stupid, stupid, stupid” between the slaps.
All was going as planned until I left the building –the Port au Prince airport that is. I landed at 3:10, charged off the plane and was speed walking across the tarmac glad that I wasn’t behind any sashaying islanders determined to get to immigration first. I made it through immigration in record time (without the infuriating demeanor of the agents who sit in their uniform abusing their badge by pretentiously avoiding eye contact and taking way more time than necessary to put a stamp on the passport) impeding my determination to make it to the smaller airport for the scheduled 4:00 take off time for the flight to Cap-Haitien. Yeah, I know, that last run on sentence likely broke a number of grammar protocols –c’est la vie…. Then, much to my surprise, my suitcase was one of the first to arrive (in one piece-bonus!) on the baggage carousel. So now I’m sure miracles are taking place, I am the favored one. I am brilliantly auric with grace and nothing can stop me.
Next step –wiggle past the wildly attired, wildly wigged Haitian lady with 4 suitcases blocking the last port of exit not able to find her customs paper. Still sure the ticket agent could see the aura of favor lighting me up I handed my paper in overtop of that wiggly wig and he motioned me to pass. Right outside the door and right on time was my faithful taxi driver “Big” (name obvious and apt). He grabbed me literally and in one sweeping, sweaty motion hugged me hello, latched onto my suitcase and raced away like a greyhound out of the starting gate just like we had planned. Well, that is a bit of an exaggeration –a 300 pound man can’t really mimic a greyhound, but he was moving faster than I would have thought possible. We jumped in his jeep, which remains full of clothes and household items as Big is still living with his family in his jeep since the earthquake last January leveled his house. Even as selfishly focused as I am at this point, that registers as sad and I empathize with him. All still good. We’re doing it. We are going to make it. We have 20 minutes and only have to go ½ a mile.
Move out the gate of the parking lot and then “Bam” -gridlock traffic. All that sprinting (and in Big’s case all that sweating –he looked like a rain cloud –guess 300 pound men shouldn’t be running in 30 degree heat) just to come to a standstill when I could almost see my target. Reality check Julie girl –you aren’t the favored one after all. Long story short (like that is going to happen-ha) we tried our best but pulled into the small airport 5 minutes after my plane took off. Since I didn’t know that yet, I became a human projectile leaping out of the jeep, into the building and up to the counter ignorantly jumping in front of the others in the line, delusionally spurting out my question “can I still make the 4:00 flight?” For once I admit that the behind the counter badge wearing locals had every right to shoot me their exasperated I’m too busy for your “stupidity” you crazy blan look. (blan=Kreyole for foreigner) Flight had left at 4:00 like scheduled flights should. From behind me a very dapper man resplendent with sunglasses, pinstriped suit, square toed shiny shoes and, as I now noticed for the first time, gun in his belt with very careful English said “Madame you are jumping in my place.” This was not a comment but issued as a rather indignant question complete with hand gestures and eyebrows raising his sunglasses to a precarious position. Couldn’t argue with the obvious. I offered insincere apologies, squeezed out of me only because of the slight intimidation the gun was having at such close proximity.
Okay, so here’s the “long story short” part. I had managed to jump in line in front of the body guard for a very important Senator who was standing to the right while his body guard was making plans for the airline to arrange a special flight because he too had not made it in time for the 4:00 flight. Hmmm, so now I am thinking I am highly favored after all because I was able to wrangle a spot on this special flight with the whole entourage for this Senator as well as not being shot dead on the spot for crashing in front of his security. Barring flying in the dark in a rain storm, the rest of the trip was uneventful. Well, except for that same security guard trying to get my phone number while we waited to board the plane (because his wife was dead and his church believes it is okay for him to find someone else to marry-true –he actually said that), and the all out brawl that broke out, again in the dark and in the rain when I landed in Cap-Haitien, over who was going to get the last blan/dollars for the day into their taxi. There were no less than 8 polished up police officers on the tarmac to greet the Senator but not even an airport worker to come to the aid of the blan swirling around in a vortex of taxi drivers and their entourages with her aura of grace dimming rapidly. That is another story that you might not actually believe at this point since my “long story short” has kind of slid into the realm of bogusness by now so I won’t go there. Suffice it to say that I will not be abstractively expressing my courage or admirably testing my limits in this fashion again. “Just plain stupid” –that is what I will say. Was it Forest Gump who said “stupid is as stupid does” –well I guess I will add that to my assessment of my travel plans as well and call it a day.
Peace, Julie
PS. No, I didn’t run off with the Senator’s body guard. The strobbing flash from his gold tooth gave me a migraine.
Posted on Sunday, October 3 2010, at 6:01 AM.